Foolishly Waiting for you
by Gekkou Hana
Summary: “I can’t fully blame Heero. You’re killing yourself too. You could forget about him. Pretend like he never existed. But you won’t."
1. Waiting

This is just a one shot kind of thing. If you guys like it well enough, I might continue. But if not, then I'll leave it as is.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.

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Every day is the same. Every minute of this dull day stretches out into eternity. I wake up around five in the morning, take a shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed for work. No makeup is necessary, and after my hair is blow dried, I just pull it back into a pony tail. Why waste my time trying to look good for someone who is nonexistent?

While sitting in my locked office pretending to finish up on some paper I was done with yesterday, I look outside at the busy people below me on the streets. They all look like little working ants from here. All running towards an unknown destination. One person strikes her sea green eyes. A lone woman with long blond hair in a braid waiting by a trashcan. Every now and then she looks at her watch and then looks out into the endless crowds that pass her.

Who is she waiting for? Why would she wait outside in the cold like that? Her boyfriend? Husband? Friend? Family member? It's sad to see a person desperately waiting for someone who may never come. What a hypocrite. While she's thinking so bitterly about someone else, she's doing the same exact thing; waiting for someone who will never come. She knows this for a fact. He will never burst through those oak doors of hers and declare his love to her. That's something she'd read in her fantasy romance novels before bedtime. A tear makes its way down her cheek as she cries not only for herself, but for the woman below her.

"We're fools." She whispers to herself. Heero was off in another mission and never said goodbye to her. Heero never said goodbye to her. He always just left like nothing. A couple months later he would come back and assume his position as her body guard. Her silent bodyguard who made her feel like she could die every time he looked at her, touched the small of her back when he lead her somewhere. The nights he would sleep next to her because she was afraid meant nothing. The nights he would hold her because he asked to meant nothing. His impulsive kisses when no one was around meant nothing. It all lead to nothing. They never did anything more than hold each other and kissing. It was safe, it was protective. No one knew of their relationship. It wasn't a relationship, it was all comfort. Comfort for him and for her. It confused her, it made her want more, and it made her weak for him.

A bittersweet smile came across her pale lips as a young man in a black long trench coat ran up to the woman and gave a big hug. Not being able to hear but making out what he's saying through his body language, he was sorry for being so late. The woman just laughed and kissed him on the lips, taking his hand and walking away disappearing into the crowd.

He came. She waited. He came. She waited. That's something that would never happen to her. She would have to wait into the next lifetime for him to come to her and her only. To come to her in his own free will. Without the governments corruption. Without his haunting past. Without his never ending responsibility for the colonies. Without his passion for war. Without… without. He will never come. He will never love her enough to come. A shocked sob escaped her. Putting her hand to her mouth to stop from sobbing loudly, she fully turned away from the window, facing her door. The tears that never seemed to cease slowly dried on her naturally rosy cheeks. Gasping lightly for breath from her harsh sobs, she leaned back on her reclining chair.

"If he will never come. Then why am I foolish enough to continuously wait for him?" She desperately questioned to the ceiling. A knock on the door made her wipe her tears and check her mirror that was in her top right drawer. After making sure she looked decent, she walked up to the door and opened it to find Duo.

"Hey Relena. How have you been?" His charming smile affecting her mood. Slowly she brightly smiled back at him and laughed to herself .

"I've actually been not bad. How about yourself?" Walking back to her chair she asked. Duo followed suit, sitting in the chair in front of her desk. His long braid seemed to lay on the floor when he sat down.

"I saw Heero while I was in a related mission. We both got into a little fist fight, but after that we got drunk and had a good time. He asks about you. Making sure you've got plenty of security and shit." Chuckling to himself, he raised his eyebrow and shook his head. "That man will never stop worrying about you. It's my job to protect you until he comes back and not even I worry that much about you." The smile on Relena's face wavered when Duo mentioned , but was still enact.

"Well, you know Heero. Always devoted on his mission." She responded with an air of sarcasm. Duo looked up at her and scrunched his eyebrows together like he was thinking.

"Mission accepted." He whispered. "What an asshole, huh?" His eyes looked down at his hands which were folded in front of him. "Asking about you, thinking about you. Wishing to be with you, but.." Relena cut him off with a heavy shaky sigh. Not daring to look up at her again, he knew that she had tears in her eyes and didn't want to hear what he had to say, but still he continued. "I've asked him plenty of times. I've asked him why he was holding back. I've practically begged him to come back. But his mission. His fucking duty." From going to a whisper, to a harsh accusing tone, he caught himself and stopped before he said something that would hurt Relena further. Returning to his quiet tone, he once again continued, this time pausing every now and then to make sure he wasn't going too far. "You will always wait for him, won't you? The one thing you both, without a doubt, have in common is devotion." Fisting his hands as if he was ready to fight, he stood up and hit the top of her desk with both his fists, making her jump and stare at him with wide tearful eyes. "Why do you wait for him?" He all but screamed in her face. "Why would you do that to yourself? Don't you understand?! He will never come back to you. That bastard is too afraid to come to you and staying for good!" Not knowing what else to say, she told him the truth while stand up to his tall figure.

"Because if I didn't wait for him, he would never come back. Because I'm stupid. Because I'm weak. Because I think if I don't wait for him, I will be nothing. I will have nothing. Because.." Melting back into her chair she sobbed with her hands on her face. Duo turned away from her, and shook his head.

"Doing great, huh? Listen, I can protect you from bullets, bombs, knives, and whatever physical harm that may come. Anything that could kill you physically, I can prevent. But emotionally; I can't." With a small chuckle, he turned head towards her.

"I can't fully blame Heero. You're killing yourself too. You could forget about him. Pretend like he never existed. But you won't. YOU won't forget him. You wouldn't even dare." Walking towards the door, he opened it, and stepped forward to leave.

"I can't protect you from this. You on the other hand, can. A person can only pretend for so long before they reach their breaking points. You're getting there. Stop pretending to be happy, and face reality. It's the only way you'll ever get over him." When she looked up, the door was closed and he was gone. Duo was always her closest friend. She had to listen to him, He always knew what was best. He was also the only person alive that knew what was really going on with Heero and her. No one could give better advice than him. A phone call mace ten minutes later as she numbly sat on her chair staring at the door.

"Hello?" She answered shakingly. The voice on the other line made her heart skip. He is the only one who had the power to make her heart do that. "No, I'm fine. Are you coming to assume you position again?" The door swung open, revealing Heero.

"If I am permitted to do so." It was all routine. Each time he came back he called before he came through the door to make sure that he could come back. Like he was expecting her to say no one day. Maybe he thought that she'd be smart enough to forget about him one day. Maybe he didn't know her well enough. Hanging up the phone, she went back to her paper work.

"I always tell you that the position is always open to you." She mumbled as she flipped through the paper, trying hard to look busy. Just like all other times, he came by her side. Moving the wheeled chair, he turned her towards him. Bending over her, he held her face with both his hands, examining her. The tears were gone, and her eyes were no longer red and puffy. She looked normally tired from work, or from emotion. "What are you doing?" Relena asked innocently. He murmured something like 'nothing' before he kissed her softly. It was all routine. She kissed him passionately, not wanting him to leave her ever again. But she knew he would. She knew she was foolish. She knew she should have pushed him away. She knew she should have said no to him. He returned his passion, and lifted her up from the chair, holding her close around the waist.

Foolishly she closed her eyes and gave in to his kisses. Foolishly they would go back to her house. Foolishly she would go to bed with him next to her. Foolishly they would be side by side until his next mission came. Foolishly he would leave without telling her. Foolishly she would wait. That was her mission. Her duty. To foolishly wait for him, until one day.. He would not return. But she will always foolishly wait.

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There you go! Yea. It was sad, but I had it in my head so I just wanted to get it out before I forgot or went crazy. Hope you guys liked it, if not, then I'm sorry.


	2. Midnight Kiss

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. No gundam. No Heero. And no Duo. Unfortunately. **

_**Chapter 2: Midnight kiss**_

"_Where did you go, Heero?" He just held her from behind as she put down her hair brush. His chin resting on her shoulder as he nibbled and teased her earlobe. Of course he wouldn't answer her. What did he owe her? Nothing. Even though he never said it, she assumed that's how he felt. The lash out between her and Duo was now a memory. She didn't think about it. Duo bitterly called her later that night asking if she was alright. She said of course, Heero was with her after all. No physical harm could come to her. She obviously didn't know what he meant. Holding her wrists to her sides, he kissed her neck. Turning her around, he began to kiss her lips, her cheeks, her jaw line, down her neck, and back up to her lips. Loving and missing his kisses, she kissed him back. Always the one to be dominant, he pulled her backwards towards the bed. With her heart racing, she followed not sure of what he had in mind. _

"_Why do you taste so good?" He mumbled against her throat. They were now both laying on the bed , him on top of her, hold her wrists above her head. Basically trapping her under him. Trying to get out of his hold her on, she sought his lips once again, playfully biting his lower lip. Groaning against her lips, he let go of one wrist, knowing she wanted to touch him. Her hand went straight to his unruly hair, fisting it and urgently pushing him towards her lips more. The power he hand on her was immense. It was destructive. It was dangerous. It was blinding. Her other wrist was wriggling, wanting to seize more of his soft hair. _

"_Let me go, Heero." _

_Let me go_…. .Day after day she locks herself in her office. No one could ever break through to her. No one except for one person. The same person who caused her anti social behavior. The only person to take her heart. The only person to break it.

"Are you okay?" Duo stood by her door. Relena was once again sitting beside her office window overlooking the people on the streets. She never did see the woman from before.

'Probably with her perfect boyfriend.' She thought bitterly. She heard Duo, but like the other times Heero left, she did not feel like talking to anybody. Wanting to be left alone, that's how she felt. Heero went away again, this time he stayed for only a day. It's been two months since he left. Why did he leave so soon? Didn't he know how powerful his hold on her was? How powerful his kisses was? That night, like every night he stayed with her they only kissed and held each other. But how she wanted more, more nights, more kisses, more. He was a poison to her. A poison she was addicted to. A poison she felt if she didn't get enough she would die from withdrawal. It was cruel to leave her like he did. She knew it but still wanted him back in her office, in her bed, in her arms. He even left before she woke up, the both of them not being able to say goodbye. Her eyebrow lifted in amusement. Why in the hell would he say goodbye to her? In the past he never did. What made this time different?

Duo stepped closer to her desk with a glass full of water in his left hand. Relena was too lost in her own thoughts to notice that Duo was now beside her. He held her shoulder firmly, turning her towards him.

"Drink this." The pill he held out in his right hand was pink. Numbly she took it as well as the water, knowing it was probably something that would help her sleep. Backing away from Relena, Duo knew that she needed her space. What she also needed was Heero. But he was too stupid to realize that. In the two months that he left, she's the life she used to have in her eyes and doesn't speak to anyone. Not even to her own brother. Everyone has tried to figure out what was wrong, but only Duo really knew. As a friend, he would never say anything to anyone. But sometimes, when he saw her like this, he wanted to scream it to everyone. Maybe someone could help her. Maybe she was too far gone.

Her hands started to shake as tears filled her eyes. All the thoughts running through her head was too much for her already fragile mind. Any thought that ran through her mind involved Heero. 'Where is he? Why did he go? Will he come back? When will he come back? Why did he come back in the first place? It was cluttering in her mind, confusing her, angering her.

Before Duo reach the doors her glass was thrown against it with a scream, almost hitting him. As the shards of glass littered the floor, her sobs were heard for the first time. All her defenses were on the floor along with the shards, along with her broken heart. Duo turned around to her crouched down with her head on her lap, hands covering her head. Mumbles were heard coming through her shaking figure. Scared to come closer to her, he stayed where he stood. After a few shaky attempts, Relena spoke.

"Why?" Was all she whispered . But Duo knew what she was trying to say. Not sure if he did know what she was trying to say, she continued. " Why am I so weak? Why do I continuously do this to myself?" Her body now trembling with sobs. Duo walked up to her and kneeled down in front of her, taking one of her hands.

"If you never want to see him again, you could do it. But if you keep saying yes. Then what else are you going to expect? He will keep going and coming and you'll keep accepting and forgiving until he never comes back. Then what? You'll kill yourself with plaguing thoughts." Carefully, he said. Had he scolded her like last time, it would do no good for her. She would just continue to cry and repeat her mistakes. Embracing him, she cried onto his shoulder, muttering I know over and over again. Her sobs lessened and soon she stopped all together, moving away from him. His legs now asleep from kneeling for so long, he sat on the floor rubbing his legs. As if she never broke down and cried, she sat up straight and stared numbly past Duo. A shiver ran through her spine and she turned her chair away from Duo.

"Can you leave me alone for now?" She asked quietly. Her voice a haunting echo of despair. Knowing that her sudden break down didn't help anything, he complied. Rising from the ground, he nodded his head. Her eyes looked tired, her body still shaking slightly from her cruel sobs. All in all, she looked defeated, destroyed like she was dying. All due to a certain cerulean eyed boy. Biting her lip from yelling out in pain, she bowed her head away from Duo sight so that he wouldn't see her teary eyes. After Duo left, she couldn't hold back the sobs that continued on until midnight. The pills didn't work. Tomorrow night he would get something stronger for her. Everything that she was feeling, came out that night through her tears. By the end of it, she felt like she had no more tears to shed. Heero was still in her memory, and her heart. And she would endlessly cry for him. She would find the tears to cry for him.

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Throughout the night Duo would knock on her door to check on her. The only response he heard was her whimpered "I'm fine.", he decided to leave her tonight. Duo had to find Heero, drag him back here. Tell her that he didn't love her. Tell her that he did love her. Tell her something. But to leave her hanging like this. It was too much for someone who was madly in love. Duo and Heero had fights about the subject. Heero would not want to talk about, not giving a clear I love her, I don't love her. He was as unclear as Duo was. Heero didn't seem to know either. But only Heero knew for sure.

Last month Duo heard that Heero was in some colony helping control terrorist attacks. He should have been back from now. Quatre was with Heero and came back a week ago. Where the hell was Heero. With a bog sigh, Duo knocked on Relena door once again. It was close to one in the morning and she was still in there, probably still crying. The person who came out the door was not who he expected. It was Trowa. Last he heard Trowa was with his sister in the circus.

"Hey clown." Duo amusedly said. Trowa clad in a beige trench coat covering his shirt and pants, shut the door quietly.

"She's very hurt. I came to check up on something and found her crying. Is it because of Heero?" His voice just above a whisper. For a quiet guy, Trowa was very observant. Duo nodded with a frown. It was rare to see the living jokester frown or get mad. "I'm sad for her. I want to make sure she feels better. She is a gentle per…" Duo cut him off and grabbed his shoulders.

"If you want to help her, tell me where Heero is. The dumbass keeps running away and won't tell her if she's wasting her time with him or not!" His voice raising in excitement. The door opening made Duo clamp his mouth shut. A tired eyed Relena stepped out and walked past the two Gundam pilots without a word. The two eyed each other and decided to follow. Duo and Trowa followed behind slowly, letting Relena have her space. When she reached the elevator door, she turned around to face Duo and Trowa.

"I'm all right guys. Really. I just need to go to sleep." Her eyes rimming with tears. Duo once again frowned, wishing he could maintain his smile but failed. Trowa on the other hand stepped forward and grasped Relena shoulders, pulling her into a hug. The masculine circus performer took Relena by surprise and stood frozen. He rubbed her back as her defenses started to melt, relishing in the warmth of a man. Slowly her hands made their way to his waist, her tears now flowing once again. Deciding Duo should let them talk or whatever, he took the stairs to make sure her car was ready for her.

Tired of sobbing, she tried not cry. Trowa's hands massaged the small of back, much like Heero used to do. Relaxing more into him, she laid her head on the crook of his neck. Leaning his head back enough, he kissed her forehead. His soft lips feeling good on her skin.

"Forget, like I said. Forget. Welcome someone else into your life and forget the past." He murmured against her skin. Looking up at him unthinkingly, their lips almost touched. His hot breath was hitting her lips. Two months was all she thought. Two months without comfort. Two months without his kisses. Two months without a touch, nothing. She needed, wanted, yearned. On impulse, she closed the gap between them. A chaste kiss. A start. A beginning. A chance to forget. Maybe that was her problem. There was no other man in her life, if she did have one, she'd forget about him. Trowa could help her. Not helping but to kiss back the retired princess, he held her closer to him. Her hands went up to his hair, like she would do with Heero. Though he was a quite and passive, his kisses were far from it. Hungry, wanting, just like her kisses were becoming. Had he felt something for her and she didn't notice? From the way he was kissing her, it seemed like he was waiting for it all his life. The elevator door opened with a ding. After the ding she realized what she was doing, what was happening. Her hands going form holding his hair, pulling him closer to her. His hands were roaming her backside, massaging her back and crumpling her jacket. A tear of two cascading down her flushed cheeks. The both of them in front of the elevator doors for anyone to walk in and see. They looked like lovers, caught in the heat of passion.

'God. What am I doing? This isn't right.' Relena's moral side was protesting the whole scenario. Trowa was far beyond handsome, any girl in her right mind would dream about kissing him. His powerful kisses. But she was toying with Trowa. She felt nothing for him and knew she was playing with him. Much like Heero was doing to her. It wasn't fair. Not to her, and not to Trowa. Moving her lips from his lips to his jaw line and finally to the shell of his ear, she whispered an apology.

"I'm sorry, Trowa. I can't do this to you. I can't play you like Heero is doing to me. It hurts. I'm sorry." Strangely her eyes didn't tear up. She wasn't sad. She was angry. Angry at what Heero turned her into. Someone so dependent on kisses and hugs. Someone who was willing to be hurt over and over again. Someone who would use someone else for her needs. Someone who just wanted. Someone who she was beginning to hate. Trowa on the other hand did hear what she said, but saw something or someone that made him stiffen slightly. Trowa was always known as a fearless man, but something made him actually stiffen. Letting go of Relena's waist, she took the chance to turn around. What she saw made her heart skip.

_.............................He is the only one who had the power to make her heart do that_

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Ahh… Aren't you guys proud?! The last sentence was from the last chapter. I can't tell you guys how happy I was to get reviews. For that once person who reviewed and said it isn't about reviews but about being an artist. I do consider myself an artist through and through. Not only with just writing, but with countless other ways that I do express myself artistically. So that offended me, wither or not you meant to or not. As an artist I do wish to get feedback. I need to know if you guys reading do appreciate my work and wish for me to continue, after all I am doing this for your entertainment and mine. I am the kind of person who if she doesn't get feedback I won't feel inspired to finish because I don't know if it is up to par with other stories or not. So I do need something to keep me going. I love the fact that you guys took the time to review, I can't tell you enough how glad I felt when you guys did review. As for that one reviewer, I mean no upset, I'm just explaining myself. Thank you so much for the review and I will keep what you said in mind. There was your continuation of the story, bad, good? Change, delete, keep as is? I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with this chapter so tell me if you guys like it, if not then I could redo it. Thanks!!


	3. Freeing myself

I just want to say thanks again for the reviews! The reason why I updated was because of a reviewer, Ukchana, that was so nice of you to say. The pointers were so helpful and were brought to my attention. As far as the two who said that I shouldn't be begging for reviews, I thank you too for your reviews, but you might want to see what my nice friend Ukchana said in my review. No reviews, no clue if you guys like them. P:S: I'm not BEGGING for reviews, I'm nicely asking for any pointer for the reader, aka: _you_But don't worry, I'm still going to update, with or without _your _reviews. Even if I get one review like the one I got from Ukchana, it'll inspire me enough to continue to write. Thank again for the others who took out the time to review, it helped me a lot!

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**Disclaimer: you guys should know this by now!**

**Chapter 3: Freeing myself **

Relena didn't know she was holding her breath until Trowa spoke.

"How are you, Heero?" He asked calmly, unafraid of the consequences of Heero catching him practically make out with Relena. Relena still stood, now breathing but short of breath, in front of a masked cold Heero. His eyes never failing to show the maddening jealousy within him. The slight smirk of the clowns face made Heero want to push Relena out of the way and crush Trowa throat with his bear hands. Damned would he be if he showed his feelings. Especially in front of the acrobatic soldier. Especially in front of Relena. Had he went with feelings, he would have made her feel his pain right now. But then again, it was the pain he caused himself. He wasn't a foolish man. He knew what he was doing with her. How he was slowly killing her. How he would come home whenever he felt like it. How he would leave her without a word, a hug, a kiss, a goodbye. Nothing. He would come like nothing and leave like nothing. But the way he would feel around her was far from nothing. It was a something that scared him. Made the silent soldier quiver when he was alone. Made him want to forget his training and give in to his heart. May it take it to any direction it took him. He knew it would take him straight into Relena's arms. Into her bed, in her life and never leaving. Duo continuously asked him to stay, to forget about the missions. Wu fie would disappointedly scowl at him, not saying a word to him about it and only giving him directions involving the mission. It was all wrong, he knew it. But he couldn't help but run. He couldn't help but to hurt her over and over again.

"Heero." Relena's quiet voice interrupting his thoughts and staring contest with Trowa. She looked down at her shoes in obvious shame. Walking away from Trowa and Heero, she entered the elevator. Looking up at Trowa, she gave him an apologetic glance before looking at Heero's back. "Will you accompany me home Heero?" Her voice just as quiet as before, maybe even lower. It was a guilty shameful quite voice. A voice that both Trowa and Heero heard.

Without a word, he turned around and stepped into the elevator, closing the door but not before saying his own goodbye to Trowa.

"I'm sure you have plans to sleep after leaving the building." Before Trowa could respond, the elevator door closed before him.

The ride home was quiet. An unnerving quiet that left her in anticipation. What would he say? What is he waiting for? Why won't he say anything? Duo was driving the car and Heero was in the passenger seat as Relena quietly looked out the window from the backseat of the four door car. Duo hummed every now and then or he would tap the steering wheel, but he dare not say anything to either of them. When he went to get the car he swore he caught a glimpse of Heero getting into an elevator, but ignored it. When he saw a deathly pale Relena being lead by Heero, he knew something happened. Trowa wasn't down yet, and Duo knew about his little crush with the pacifist. There was no doubt in his mind that Trowa acting on his emotions and ended up doing something stupid. He just hoped that Trowa was still alive to tell him the juicy details the next day.

Heero looked out his window, watching the trees whiz past by him. The darkness of the sky was welcoming. Inviting him to blend in with the darkness. Away from the situation. Away from the argument that was coming. He couldn't let it go. It was still in his mind. The way she was kissing him, the way she held him. Like she was hold Heero, himself. The way Trowa was kissing her pouty lips. The way she was lowly moaning in the back of throat. It unsettling. She couldn't even look at him. The both of them were wordless. Speechless. Thoughtless. As if they did not where to go from here. As if they were heavily thinking, contemplating something. As if the shame was so great it was suffocating them.

The car stopping signaled that they were home. Heero opened Relena's door and took her hand when she stepped out. Duo honked and drove away, glad that he was away from the tension. Silently they both walked up the steps of her home and entered. Again without a word they went up stairs, and into her room. Almost automatically, Relena's lip trembled from the sobs that were daring to come out. She, in front of him tried not to crash on her now weak knees.

"Why are you so quiet?" Heero hissed through his clenched teeth. A sarcastic question. A question he already knew the answer to. A question that made her gasp. Not so much because of the question, but the way he said it. So bitter, indifferent. Enough was enough. Even in a relationship she was passive. She didn't say anything, she was just hoping for him to say something. The air around the room was thick with confusion, questions uncertainty. Relena turned around, showing Heero her regret. The tears in her eyes were wavering, ready to spill.

"Do you even realize how much you're hurting me?" Relena croaked out, her words shaky like her fists. This was it for her. How could he be mad? "What else did you expect, Heero? Did you expect for me to wait for you?" Her voice was now bitter and angry, demanding for a response. When he didn't give it and just stood there waiting for her tantrum to finish, she ran up to him and pounded on his hard chest. Now screaming in his face full of anger and never stopping tears running down her cheeks. "You're fucking killing me! Don't you understand? What the fuck are we? What the fuck am I? Am I some toy for you, Heero? Am I?" Even though she was a petite girl, her punches were making his chest sting. It hurt to see her like this. He thought she would be rational. But right now she was downright hysterical. Maybe he pushed her too far. Maybe he pushed her away. Pinning her arms to her sides, he turned her body around to pin it against the closed door . His knee in between her legs, and his body pinning her against the door so she would stop struggling. With his face mere inches from hers, he for once screamed in her face back, forgetting about his well known cold demeanor. Always the one who never lost control. But thanks to his feeling for Relena, he couldn't help but to.

"How was he Relena? Anything like me?" Heero sarcastically asked, his mask melting and revealing the jealousy in his eyes. His hands let go of hers , making sure she stayed put by pinning his body with hers. Her hands went up to her arms, and she looked away from him, helplessly pushing him away in vain. His hands made their way to her waist, one traveling upwards to her neck and her chin, making her look at him. "I couldn't help but notice that you held him like you do to me. Did you imagine that he was me?" Heero's lips were now hovering over hers, his blue eyes intently on hers. "Tell me." He whispered before passionately kissing her. A whimper escaped her, making Heero pin her against the wood door even more. Relena's hands found their way to his hair, grasping it for dear life. When she had enough of his hair, she touched his face, his neck, his sides; anywhere her hands could explore. He drove her crazy. He was a legal drug for her. A drug that consumed her, and made her want more no matter what the outcome. She drove him even more crazy. That's why he kept coming back. She was addicting. Her kisses, her looks, her touches, and God her moans. Picking her up with one hand on her waist, he threw her on the bed before she even realized they were no longer standing. He crawled on top of her, one hand holding her cheek mindlessly kissing her lips roughly, as the other laid below her breast, barely cupping it.

It's been a couple of months since he last had an sex. It wasn't with Relena of course, they would never dare cross that line. But tonight, that line looked pretty friendly. He thought if there was no other way of showing her he cared, if he even wanted to show that he did care, it would have to be through sex. Even as a soldier he was taught that sex was something that had to mean something. With the other ladies it meant no strings attached, he would never see them again. But the woman laying below him was something and someone he would see again. He couldn't risk it professionally. He knew it had to mean something in order to except that kind of relationship. The one they had now though was confusing. What were they? Her question made him stop for half a second before she whimpered from his decreasing kisses on her neck. The sound made him forget about her question and go right back to her neck. His butterfly kisses on her neck made her stomach flip and her legs intertwine with his. Wanting more of him, she held the back of head and crushed his head towards her neck more. More was not enough. A knock on the door made Heero growl and get off the bed and Relena in one swift movement towards the door. Relena sat up on the edge of the bed, smoothing the wrinkles of her jacket. The whole day her hair was pinned up with a clip, so she took it out to release her hair down on her shoulders. Now her scalp hurt from the position her hair was in all day.

When he opened the door, he gave another growl. "Oh. Hello Heero. May I know where Relena is?" Dorothy asked politely. Heero looked back at an alarmed Relena. Quickly, Relena tiptoed to her bathroom, giving Heero the okay to tell Dorothy some excuse so that she didn't see her.

"She's in the bathroom getting ready for bed. She's tired so I don't think she'll be seeing you tonight. Have a goodnight." Without a word from Dorothy, he shut the door on her face and walked back to the bed. His hands were running through his hair, pushing it back from his now confused eyes. A moment later, he heard her come out of the bathroom with a sigh. She walked to the side of the bed and laid across it on her stomach, hiding her face in her arms, her golden hair fanned out on her back and arms.

"What was that Heero?" She mumbled into her arms, almost inaudible, but he still caught it. He could even hear her start to cry all over again. Inwardly he prayed that she wouldn't get hysterical again.

"It was what it was." He answered grimly. It was me trying to show you that I do care for you. That I don't want you to be with anyone else but me, he thought.

"Heero?" She looked up at him with determined eyes and sit up behind him. Close enough to reach her hand out to his shoulder, she leaned towards him and whispers in his ear. "I hate you." His eyes widen and he stands up to look at her. Relena's small figure was still, her hands now on her lap. Her hair was down, and her jacket was off, revealing a black tank top. Her eyes were sullen , still looking up at him. No longer were her eyes green, but now of a hazel. She was serious.

"I know." He croaked out. The emotion was getting to him. The emotion of hurt. In a way he knew, but still didn't understand what she meant by that. Did she really hate him? Truly honestly hate him? He knew she was angry with him because of what he did to her, but to hate him?

"Then." She stopped. Getting up from the bed and walking towards him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He not knowing what to do. "Then again, I can't stop being with you. Wanting to be with you. Why are you doing this to me?" Shaking his head, he pushed her away.

"I don't know why you have to make this so complicated. Why can't you just leave it as it? I come to protect you, I come and.."

"And I wait! Is that how it works, Heero? Is that how your sick little trainers taught you? Use people? Cheat on people? Kill people? Well good job, Heero! You're doing a good fucking job!" A wide eyed angry Relena shouted. She stepped back away from him and walked around him towards the door. "Get out, Heero." She gritted through her teeth. His back turned to her, he sighed in defeat. He was utterly confused. In a way he knew what he wanted, but then he would do something else. "I'm almost begging you, please get out. You are losing me Heero. Slowly you are losing me, and I can't wait anymore. So please go." Head down in defeat, she wouldn't even look at him. He couldn't let her go like this. He had to do something, anything to make her understand. It wasn't that he was trying to push her away, he was confused. Unsure. If he left her, then another man, most likely Trowa, would take his place. No one could take her away from him. That he was sure of. That showed him that he had to be with her. That he cared enough that he wanted to kill his partner for touching her. The look of her lips looked appealing to him again. How he loved bruising them with his kisses. He just needed her as much as she did. All he had to do was say it. Showing it wouldn't be enough. He knew she couldn't wait forever. But there was still a chance that she still would. Walking up to her, he pulled her away from the door and closed it back again. Closing in on her face, he once again hovered over her lips.

"But you said it yourself; you can't stop being with me." He whispered against her lips. Weakness. Her weakness. He was it. She was it. They were each others weaknesses. But he controlled the situation, partly. He decided when he could come back and when he could leave.. The times he was around her alone, he would lose control. That was the only part that he could not control, as much as he tried. She on the other hand, could not. It was the opposite of what her people would expect from her. What kind of Prime Minister was she then? A weak one for the boys? For the Gundam Pilot who was far from a pacifist? A boy who knew how to play her like a fiddle. Pushing him away this time, she opened the door once again.

"For my sake, Heero. For my damned sake, leave." She whispered shakily. Her words returning to him, he understood. He was killing her. Using her, and using her like some toy. Or that's how it looked like. But she would never know. Because he would never tell her. With a nod, he walked out of her room down the stairs. She, on the edge of a breakdown, shut the door and leaned against it. What did this mean now? That she was free? It was a step towards freedom. It was an act of selfishness. It was an act of saving herself from him. The sound of her front door slamming echoed throughout the house, including her room.

"It was an act of freeing myself." Relena whispered to herself miserably.

Just how long this act would last was anyone's guess..

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Ahh!! I finished this in one day! Can you tell? wink I wanted to finish this chapter as fast I could because I knew I lacked in updating. Hope ya'll liked this chapter, if not then poo on you. I know she turned into someone who was trying to be strong, but don't worry, she'll stop that. I just didn't want her to be completely weak. I wanted her to be fed up with him, in front of him. Now it's time for this one to go to sleep so I could go to school. Review please!


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